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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.

Billy Connolly

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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Funny Humor Jesus
If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
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Hammers More
I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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Believe Book Care Film Movie
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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Needs People Round Swings Thinking
My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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Advice Buckets Kitchen Utensils
Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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Acting Different Discipline
There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
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Encouragement Fighting Safe Watching
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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Baby Delivery Funny Humor Paddy Probably
I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
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Firsts Guy Minute Movie Stars
Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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Jobs Jon Tell Workplace
Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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Election Political Vote
The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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Coffee Forehead Lunch Somebody Talking Zombie
A fart is just your arse applauding.
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Arses Funny Humor
Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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Country Football Someone Team
People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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Around Dies Normal People
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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Country Reserves Successful

Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.

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Popular Authors

Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Billy Connolly Quotes