I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLYThe world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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I don’t think I’ve ever died on stage. I’ve had jokes that died on stage. I’ve told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn’t know it was the end of the joke.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
BILLY CONNOLLY