Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
BILLY CONNOLLYI just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
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Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
BILLY CONNOLLY