Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
BILLY CONNOLLYIf you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
BILLY CONNOLLY