Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
BILLY CONNOLLYIf you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
BILLY CONNOLLY