I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
BILLY CONNOLLYSave the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY