There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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I don’t think I’ve ever died on stage. I’ve had jokes that died on stage. I’ve told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn’t know it was the end of the joke.
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There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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