Don’t work out, work in.
BILLY CONNOLLYI love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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The more you know the less the better.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
BILLY CONNOLLY