I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
-
-
I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
BILLY CONNOLLY -
So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
BILLY CONNOLLY -
If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
BILLY CONNOLLY -
It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Try to live in a place you like.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
BILLY CONNOLLY