It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
BILLY CONNOLLYI hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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Try to live in a place you like.
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
BILLY CONNOLLY