Don’t work out, work in.
BILLY CONNOLLYI was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
BILLY CONNOLLY