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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.

Billy Connolly

I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Childlike Growing Mean Thinking
I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Friendship Glasgow Hands Suits
If you give people a chance, they shine.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Giving People Shining
I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Desperate People Themselves Thinking
I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Becoming Engineer Joined Knowing Queues
I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Documentaries Glasses Hate People
The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Coffee Forehead Lunch Somebody Talking Zombie
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Needs People Round Swings Thinking
didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
BILLY CONNOLLY

Club Magazines Number People Radio Station
It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Christianity Different Religion Thing
Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Bit Fun Jobs Laugh Occupation
My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Advice Buckets Kitchen Utensils
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Kilts Looks Mcdonalds Quater
Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Empowerment Psychics Thinking
Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Objects Running Scissors
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Reserves Successful
I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Britain Europe Thinking
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Gently Looks Sideway Tread
I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Alright Disease Humorous Mad
Don’t work out, work in.
BILLY CONNOLLY

never Out Work
I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Hands Issues People Pound
There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
BILLY CONNOLLY

People Records Thinking Years
I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
BILLY CONNOLLY

Consciously Home Intention Numbers People
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Jesus
The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Music Optimism People Wanter
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Love Marriage Wedding
I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Citizens People Represented Thinking

I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.

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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.

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