Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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