Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
BILLY CONNOLLY