I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
BILLY CONNOLLYOh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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