A fart is just your arse applauding.
BILLY CONNOLLYSo, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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The more you know the less the better.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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