When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
BILLY CONNOLLYNever run with scissors or other pointy objects.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
BILLY CONNOLLY