“Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.”

Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.

There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!

If you have to remind yourself to concentrate during competition, you’ve got no chance to concentrate.

He even jeopardized his pledge to preserve women’s rights under Roe v. Wade in order to get a health care bill written by the corporate lapdog Max Baucus and the gang of revolving door mercenaries he hired to write a bill friendly to industry.

On pragmatistic principles, if the hypothesis of God works satisfactorily in the widest sense of the word, it is true.

A testimony is a testimony, and it should be respected, whether it is small or large.

Don’t work out, work in.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

Golf’s really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. … I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.

I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.

It is the definition of the word ‘object’ which destroys all religions.

It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.

There are no inanimate objects.

At least we know we tend to be afraid. If you object to my plural noun, I’ll retract it.