When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
BILL MAHERDenying racism is the new racism.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
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Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
BILL MAHER