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I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

Bill Cosby

Only stupid one’s.
BILL COSBY

One Liner Stupidity
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
BILL COSBY

Father Funny Love Present
All parents experience the same problems.
BILL COSBY

Experience Parents Problem
There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.
BILL COSBY

Dignity Person Right
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
BILL COSBY

Failure Myself Success
Old is always fifteen years from now.
BILL COSBY

Old One Liner
The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.
BILL COSBY

Death Funny Life Reading Worst
I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty, I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.
BILL COSBY

Empty Herself Moments Myself Philosophy
That’s why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.
BILL COSBY

Body Philosophy Science
Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.
BILL COSBY

Deep Hear Thinking Voice Woman Yourself
When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?
BILL COSBY

Deep Dream One Liner Wake Up Yourself
Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you’re pouring, or drinking.
BILL COSBY

Deep Empty Philosophy Yourself
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
BILL COSBY

Desire Failure Fear Greatness Success
And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl there’s a little voice that say, ‘I wonder where he would go if it hadn’t been for his head.
BILL COSBY

Death Himself See Voice Yourself
I’m not the boss of my house. I don’t know how I lost it, I don’t know when I lost it, I don’t really think I ever had it. But I’ve seen the boss’s job and I don’t want it!
BILL COSBY

Home Loss Myself
Nobody ever says, Can I have your beets?
BILL COSBY

Myself Talk

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

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I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

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