Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
BILL BAILEYThis shed does not contain me.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
BILL BAILEY