I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEYThis shed does not contain me.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
BILL BAILEY