How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
BILL BAILEYThis shed does not contain me.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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This shed does not contain me.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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