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Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.

Andy Rooney

Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.
ANDY ROONEY

Myself Opinion People
Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion – as long as it agrees with ours.
ANDY ROONEY

Agreement Believe Opinion Ourselves Right
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
ANDY ROONEY

Eat Soft Sweet Word Yourself
I’ve learned That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
ANDY ROONEY

Asleep Children Fall Feeling Learning Myself Peace World
I’ve learned, That when you’re in love, it shows.
ANDY ROONEY

Learning Love Show Yourself
I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
ANDY ROONEY

End Fast Learning Myself Paper
I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
ANDY ROONEY

Business Computer Myself Writing
It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.
ANDY ROONEY

Better Truth World
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?”. She doesn’t care what you think.
ANDY ROONEY

Care Herself Thinking Wake Up Woman
I’ve learned, That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
ANDY ROONEY

Eat Learning Myself Word
The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
ANDY ROONEY

Big Bookstore Diet Eat Yourself
Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
ANDY ROONEY

Hands Head Rule World Yourself
I’ve learned, That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
ANDY ROONEY

Children Gift Learning Myself
Women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
ANDY ROONEY

Buy Food Realization Woman Worth
Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.
ANDY ROONEY

Easy Reading Sentence Suspicious Writing
I’ve learned That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
ANDY ROONEY

Learning Lost Missing Opportunity Position Yourself

Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.

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Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.

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Popular Authors

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