Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
AMBROSE BIERCEIn each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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