War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
AMBROSE BIERCEOptimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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