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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.

Alan King

My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KING

Coverage Fire Frown Kind Lawyer Problem Theft
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING

Get Good Know Look Old People Tell
When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
ALAN KING

Apple Every Gave Hospital Juice Morning
I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
ALAN KING

Give Interview Know Poor Start Until
Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
ALAN KING

Business Course Have Hook Learn Survive
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING

Modesty One Virtue
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING

Armor Eat Place Suit
One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KING

Country Dinner Life One Restaurant Thing Whole
For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
ALAN KING

Always Birthday Joke Me Such Time
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING

Always Art Even Humour Somebody Want Weapon
It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KING

Anyone Food Friendship Imagine Interest Last Like More Someone
I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KING

Go Kitchen Mother never Other Pot Room Saw
I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
ALAN KING

Always Dinner First Morning Plan Thing
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING

Again Apple Cloudy Drank Faint Juice Little Morning Nurse One Pour Run Specimen Tube
There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KING

Charm Humor Rhythm Soul
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING

Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell

If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.

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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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