Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
ALAN KINGIf you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
More Alan King Quotes
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KING