Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
ALAN KINGIf you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
More Alan King Quotes
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
ALAN KING