Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
ALAN KINGIf you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
More Alan King Quotes
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING






