One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KINGLarry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
More Alan King Quotes
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KING