My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KINGYou know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
More Alan King Quotes
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING