The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
ALAN KINGYou know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
More Alan King Quotes
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KING -
We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KING