You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KINGThe other day my house caught fire.
More Alan King Quotes
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
ALAN KING -
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
ALAN KING -
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING -
As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KING -
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
ALAN KING -
I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KING -
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
ALAN KING -
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING -
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING -
There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
ALAN KING -
When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KING -
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING -
It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KING -
Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KING -
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING