There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KINGMarriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
More Alan King Quotes
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING






