When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KINGMarriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
More Alan King Quotes
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING