I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KINGMy son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
More Alan King Quotes
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
ALAN KING -
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING -
There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING -
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
ALAN KING -
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING -
We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KING -
Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
ALAN KING