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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.

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Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell

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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING

Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell
Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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