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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.

Related Topics

Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell

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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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Carnegie Hall Have Made Practice
For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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Always Birthday Joke Me Such Time
As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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Egg Except Food Life Only Pleasure Salami Second Sex
I was a high school throw-out.
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High Out School Throw
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Attack Fun Make Somebody
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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Ball Everything Matzoh Mother Sank
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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Bank Banker Chain Come Down Friend Image New Pen
There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Any Believe More Nobody Trust
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Bran Fifteen Last Live Longer Spend Toilet Year
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Day Decide Dinner Go Morning Through
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Atom Think Expense Great Humor Someone Something
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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Book Love Marriage Read Separate Two Want
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING

Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell
We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Ability Behave Fun Make Society Watch
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Grub Hypochondriac Miser Money Worrywart
Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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Comedy Create Nothing Reflection

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