Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KINGMy son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
More Alan King Quotes
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KING






