We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KINGMy son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
More Alan King Quotes
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KING






