I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KINGThere’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
More Alan King Quotes
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING -
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
ALAN KING