When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KINGThe world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
More Alan King Quotes
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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