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I’ve always been a gamer, and I had a period where I was gaming at a really hardcore level.

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Always Game Gamer Hardcore Level Period

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I’m black, and black don’t crack. It does droop.
AISHA TYLER

Black Crack Doe Droop
I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.
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Actually Almost Down Lying More Myself Satisfying
I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.
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Always Geek Nerd Real Such
But I think what diversity brings to any daypart is more eyeballs, just more opportunity.
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Diversity Idea Important Quota Satisfy Some Television Think Trying
Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.
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Blame Else God Human Immediate Look Much Parent Politician Resource Someone Toddler
You just have to keep getting up’. And I look back and they were right. They were all right.
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Back Getting Keep Look Right Up
When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.
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Cell Doing Funny Girlfriend Phone Quick Radio Spot Stranger Undone
Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don’t think so.
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Complain Going Smart Think Typecast
Real sacrifice. Real disappointment. Real failure. And it requires the ability to scrape your sorry ass up off the floor, stumble to your feet.
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Ability Ass Disappointment Feet Floor Real Sacrifice Scrape Sorry Stumble
If you haven’t noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome.
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Astronaut Awesome Celebrity Drinking Driver Fun Party People Racecar Suck Unless Working
“Trust me, you don’t want to have to actually interact with these people.”
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Actual Interact Me People Trust
If you ever needed to ruin someone’s fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.
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Move Need Poop Ruin Someone Terminate Thing Workplace
“You are going to fail, and anyone who is success has powered through many, many failures.”
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Anyone Failure Fall Going Many Powered Success
I don’t know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things.
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Always Embarrassing Open People Person Running Specially Thing Thinking Toward
Marriage is a mystery and part of it is just being kind to each other, not being selfish.
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Be Each Just Kind Marriage Mystery Other Selfish
I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
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Country Dehydrate Grade Green Most Seventh Smelling Spent Summer
I’ve always been a gamer, and I had a period where I was gaming at a really hardcore level.
AISHA TYLER

Always Game Gamer Hardcore Level Period
I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.
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Attract Before Douch Drunken Married Thinking
After going through a lot of procedures and spending a lot of money … the doctor said, ‘Look, based on what we’re seeing here, I just don’t think this is going to happen for you.’
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Based Doctors Going Happen Look Procedure Spending Thinking
I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.
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Absolutely Baby Dynasty Fan Giant Long Time
I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
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Friend Hope Kindest Little Own Probably Supportive
Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.
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Battle Easy Fought Goal Hard Motivational Sacrifice Worth
I wish I could say I’m an architect and planned it this way, foresaw doing all these things, but honestly, I’ve been lucky that things have come across my path and they’ve worked out well for me.
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Across Almost Architect Come Foresaw Honesty Lucy Out Path Plan Pressure Well
I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
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Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.
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Dating Divorce Favorite Game Girlfriend Now Play Real Right Tinder
Whereas regular people tend to run away – because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.
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Always Away Funny Going People Regular Run Story
One thing we do really well on Archer and one thing I’ve always tried to do in my comedy and my writing and my podcast is to never speak down to my audience.
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Always Archer Audience Comedy Podcast Really Tried Writing

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