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If you haven’t noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

A belief in feminism is a belief in personal freedom.
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Belief Career Feminism Freedom Personal Want
I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.
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College Comedian Growing Kid Loving People Up Wanted
I will say that stand-up is my first love; it’s how I got started and is in my bones.
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Bone First How Love Say Stand Started Up
I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
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Different Good Grown Spoken Time Trying Up Want Way
Sometimes the mistake I see people make is thinking that they’re always going to be up, and I think that’s impossible for anyone.
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Always Anyone Going Impossible Mistake People Sometimes Thinking
I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
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Friend Hope Kindest Little Own Probably Supportive
I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.
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Challenge Done Happiest Much Overwhelmed Pressure Under
I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone’s afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.
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I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.
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Dating Divorce Favorite Game Girlfriend Now Play Real Right Tinder
I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.
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Glamorous Stand Tell Up
Every ethnic group has this where people within it will try and tell each other how they should be.
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I love it when I come across a word I don’t know. And I would never treat my audience like they weren’t smart enough to come along with me.
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TV always wants more people to be watching.
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More People Television Want Watch
But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.
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Away Creativity Something Stand Up Walk Want
the freedom to live a life free of fear of violence, to select a fulfilling career and be compensated fairly, to choose when to start a family, to marry whom you love.
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When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn’t going to change who I was.
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I don’t know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things.
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Comedy is ugly. It’s honest, it’s raw.
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Marriage isn’t a carnival ride.
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Carnival Marriage Ride
Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
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Experience Human Make Scar Tough Turn Wound
I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.
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Absolutely Baby Dynasty Fan Giant Long Time
No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.
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Awesome Blew Hear Need People Thinking Time Want
Successful people just don’t let failure define them or keep them from doing what they want to do. For example, I’d have people come up to me after my shows, and they’d say they want to do stand-up but are scared they’re going to fail. I’d tell them,
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Define Doing Example Failure Keep People Scare Show Fall Successful Want
The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.
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Advice Again Anybody Best Get Given Over
When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.
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I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.
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Attract Before Douch Drunken Married Thinking
Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.
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Blame Else God Human Immediate Look Much Parent Politician Resource Someone Toddler

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