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The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.

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I really do know football.
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I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.
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You know, it’s about getting out there and having a good time. Not about worrying .
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I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.
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I’ve just got to be myself and hopefully people will find me. And my audience did find me.
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You just have to keep getting up’. And I look back and they were right. They were all right.
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I always tell people that if you really want to know somebody, they should listen to that person’s interview with me. I spend a lot of time with my guests.
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On general principle, I boycott shows that don’t employ actors.
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When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn’t going to change who I was.
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I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
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I actually wanted to be an attorney. I did do things on the side like improv and sketch comedy, but law was my focus. I was a very bookish, academic kid. When I got out of college,
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I like the company of guys. I have a lot of good girlfriends that I really love, but you know, most of my close friends are men.
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Real sacrifice. Real disappointment. Real failure. And it requires the ability to scrape your sorry ass up off the floor, stumble to your feet.
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I will say that stand-up is my first love; it’s how I got started and is in my bones.
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I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
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I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.
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But I think what diversity brings to any daypart is more eyeballs, just more opportunity.
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I like grown up comedy.
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I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.
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All these young books for women are like I’m 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can’t get a date. Come on.
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I don’t believe in superheroes but I love Batman movies. There’s a part of every person that is entertained by the idealistic, the fantastic.
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I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn’t performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.
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I want everyone, regardless of gender, to live a life free of restriction or fear, able to pursue their own personal brand of happiness and fulfillment.
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Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.
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I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.
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the freedom to live a life free of fear of violence, to select a fulfilling career and be compensated fairly, to choose when to start a family, to marry whom you love.
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I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
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