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I’m just going to be the best version of me that I could possibly be and be as funny as I possibly can.

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Being Best Find Funny Going People Possibly Version

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Whereas regular people tend to run away – because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.
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Always Away Funny Going People Regular Run Story
Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
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Again Bucket Drool Fave Heard Rivulet Running Toddler Wall Watery
I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
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Different Good Grown Spoken Time Trying Up Want Way
I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.
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Being Fiber Fighting Gym Hit Need Sad Sadly Softie
On general principle, I boycott shows that don’t employ actors.
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Actor Boycott Employ General Principle Show
Comedy is ugly. It’s honest, it’s raw.
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Comedy Honest Raw Ugly
I love Toronto. I love it. I love Toronto. I love Canada. I can’t wait to get back. Can’t wait to have some Timbits.
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Back Country Some Toronto Wait Waiting
The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.
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Advice Again Anybody Best Get Given Over
I’m black, and black don’t crack. It does droop.
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Black Crack Doe Droop
I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.
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College Comedian Growing Kid Loving People Up Wanted
When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn’t going to change who I was.
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Real success and accomplishment, at whatever it is you are passionate about, requires real work.
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Accomplishment Passionate Require Running Sorry Success Wall Work
I like grown up comedy.
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Comedy Grown Like Up
After going through a lot of procedures and spending a lot of money … the doctor said, ‘Look, based on what we’re seeing here, I just don’t think this is going to happen for you.’
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Based Doctors Going Happen Look Procedure Spending Thinking
When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.
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I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
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Country Dehydrate Grade Green Most Seventh Smelling Spent Summer
TV always wants more people to be watching.
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More People Television Want Watch
I thought I was gonna be an attorney, so I went to Dartmouth and I was a government major and I minored in environmental policy, and I didn’t do anything academically around the arts.
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Anything Art Attorney Environmental Government Major Minored Policy Thought
I think diversity in television is important. It’s not about trying to fill a quota or satisfy some idea of diversity.
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Diversity Fill Idea Important Opportunity Quita Satisfy Some Television Thinking Trying
All these young books for women are like I’m 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can’t get a date. Come on.
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All Book Closet Come Date Like Prada Shoe Women Young
“You are going to fail, and anyone who is success has powered through many, many failures.”
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Anyone Failure Fall Going Many Powered Success
I’m my own boss and my boss is a total ass.
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Ass Boss My Own Total
Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.
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Battle Easy Fought Goal Hard Motivational Sacrifice Worth
Every ethnic group has this where people within it will try and tell each other how they should be.
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Each Embrace Ethnic Group Other People Teach Tell Trying
I always tell people that if you really want to know somebody, they should listen to that person’s interview with me. I spend a lot of time with my guests.
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Always Guest Interview Know Listen People Person Really Somebody Tell Want
I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.
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Actually Attorney Comedy Living Something Wanted
When I was young I thought, ‘Yeah, people don’t see, they’re not recognizing how funny I am, and how talented I am’. And the guys that mentored me were like, ‘
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Funny Guy Look People Recognize Talented Thought

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