“Being a success in the world, having total control of one’s life, is about being able to take or leave things.”

When I tell people I spent almost a year in Paris, I know they imagine something out of a Woody Allen movie, which it wasn’t, of course. I was just working in a clothes shop, but I was aware that it was exciting.

Have you ever been to the countryside? It’s so small. And there’s nothing to do.

Mineral water is a preposterous vanity, either bottled in glass which is stupidly heavy to freight, or in plastic that ends up in one of the plastic patches the size of Texas occupying our oceans.

Gentile smoked salmon is all… muscular and smells of smoke. It’s not very fatty. They don’t understand – smoked salmon should be almost spreadable! So you give them the real stuff and they can’t believe how delicious it is.

People like me make modern life intolerable.

He was a staffer at Punch but in the evening he wrote columns for the Evening Standard and The Times.

I have a tailor now, I have a doctor, a wine merchant, a jeweller, a gardener, a cleaner, and a nanny. It was clearly ridiculous that I did not have a hairdresser. So I got one.

I had become mean and stupid and deliberately hurtful because that is what is expected of restaurant critics. Of critics in general.

The world’s most competitive man, my dad. Wouldn’t let us win at Monopoly… he wouldn’t cut any slack for his children.

Instant gratification is bringing this planet to its knees.

All I care about is that people who like me think I’m funny. I get on with writing pretty straight-down the line, old-fashioned stuff.

But still I can never shake the feeling that buses are somehow beneath me. Which is why I have a rule regarding their use: I never, ever run for one. And nor should you.

My dad Alan loved Westerns and we watched them together when there wasn’t much else on TV. I had toy cowboys I’d call Richard Widmark or Gregory Peck and we’d restage the Battle of the Alamo.

Not since Ancient Greece have cities been thought of as the ideal living environment for humans. And that was so long ago it predates the invention of trousers.

I have quite good general knowledge and I had a very drilled education from an early age. I do know more than most people.

I come from a country where there’s a reputation for bad press.

Don’t try to be somebody you’re not because it doesn’t work. If you try to be this perfect person or perfect persona of what you think that somebody should be when they’re involved in public office, it’s just not going to work.

I have no problem with being vetted. What I do have a problem with is being lied about and then putting that as truth.

Positive and powerful: Sometimes people won’t like me, and it’s okay. Positive and powerful: I like me, and that’s all that matters.

To the new ‘Apprentice’ candidates I would say to follow your gut instincts, be yourself and get ready to work hard for the next few months. Oh, and try to have some fun!

Accepting that your imperfections and so-called negative attributes are part of what makes you unique will help you to stop continually trying to be someone or something that you are not.

All my life I’ve been doing. For now, I’m being — being quiet, being grateful.

Advice I would give to anyone trying to find their own personal style: don’t copy anybody, just be yourself, and make your own trends.

It’s about being proud of who you are, being proud of your situation and just being stoked that things are always going to get better or always gonna get worse and that’s such a great thing. Every day is a new surprise.