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I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.

Aisha Tyler

If you haven’t noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome.
AISHA TYLER

Astronaut Awesome Celebrity Drinking Driver Fun Party People Racecar Suck Unless Working
I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
AISHA TYLER

Friend Hope Kindest Little Own Probably Supportive
I like the company of guys. I have a lot of good girlfriends that I really love, but you know, most of my close friends are men.
AISHA TYLER

Close Company Different Girlfriend Guy Love Men Most Way
I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn’t performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.
AISHA TYLER

Fell Job Love Miserable One Performing Realize Slowly Stand Unhappy
Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
AISHA TYLER

Experience Human Make Scar Tough Turn Wound
I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
AISHA TYLER

Country Fiction Fit Love Need Order Raise Science Standard Vegetarian
I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.
AISHA TYLER

College Comedian Growing Kid Loving People Up Wanted
I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
AISHA TYLER

Pander So Try Want
I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I’d still have plenty of other things to do.
AISHA TYLER

Away Busy Job Other Plenty Possible Thing Want Went
I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.
AISHA TYLER

Absolutely Baby Dynasty Fan Giant Long Time
I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.
AISHA TYLER

Actually Attorney Comedy Living Something Wanted
I want to point out, that this is not my fault that everyone’s afraid of me, because I did not kill a couple people the other day.
AISHA TYLER

Afraid Couple Day Everyone Fault Kill Other People Point Want
I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.
AISHA TYLER

Dating Divorce Favorite Game Girlfriend Now Play Real Right Tinder
They always say some women like to fix people. I don’t like to fix people, but you like a challenge.
AISHA TYLER

Always Challenge Fix People Some Women
I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
AISHA TYLER

Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.
AISHA TYLER

Actually Almost Down Lying More Myself Satisfying
I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.
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Glamorous Stand Tell Up
Pop culture hales you and wants you to fail.
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Culture Failing Fall Pop Want
“Trust me, you don’t want to have to actually interact with these people.”
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Actual Interact Me People Trust
Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
AISHA TYLER

Again Bucket Drool Fave Heard Rivulet Running Toddler Wall Watery
So I think the longer you do stand-up, the more comfortable you are. You stop wanting to hide your foibles and instead want to show who you are.
AISHA TYLER

Comfortable Foibe Hide Instead Longer Show Stand Think Up Wanting
So what I would say to other people is to just embrace who you are because you will become instantly happier.
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Embrace Happier Instant Other People Say
You can only really learn from failure … To win, you need to fail, and fail hard.
AISHA TYLER

Fail Failure Fun Hard Learn Need Winning
I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.
AISHA TYLER

Always Geek Nerd Real Such
Marriage isn’t a carnival ride.
AISHA TYLER

Carnival Marriage Ride
I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
AISHA TYLER

Fail Hate Husband Love Think Want
Comedy is ugly. It’s honest, it’s raw.
AISHA TYLER

Comedy Honest Raw Ugly

I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.

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I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.

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