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I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.

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I will say that stand-up is my first love; it’s how I got started and is in my bones.
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TV always wants more people to be watching.
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I started out being a stand up and writing my own material. That took me to Talk Soup, where I was writing and performing for TV.
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I thought I was gonna be an attorney, so I went to Dartmouth and I was a government major and I minored in environmental policy, and I didn’t do anything academically around the arts.
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I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
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All these young books for women are like I’m 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can’t get a date. Come on.
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Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
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You can only really learn from failure … To win, you need to fail, and fail hard.
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Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don’t think so.
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I always tell people that if you really want to know somebody, they should listen to that person’s interview with me. I spend a lot of time with my guests.
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Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
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After going through a lot of procedures and spending a lot of money … the doctor said, ‘Look, based on what we’re seeing here, I just don’t think this is going to happen for you.’
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I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.
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I wish I could say I’m an architect and planned it this way, foresaw doing all these things, but honestly, I’ve been lucky that things have come across my path and they’ve worked out well for me.
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It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon.
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Apparently Day Desk Drink Fluorescent Frown Generally Hard Last Lighting Upon
My parents were vegetarians. I’d show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.
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Karaoke is the great equalizer.
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So everything is all the same job in my eyes, and I don’t want to ever give up any part of it.
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When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn’t going to change who I was.
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I think diversity in television is important. It’s not about trying to fill a quota or satisfy some idea of diversity.
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Real success and accomplishment, at whatever it is you are passionate about, requires real work.
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Accomplishment Passionate Require Running Sorry Success Wall Work
But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.
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I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
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I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.
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Marriage isn’t a carnival ride.
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On general principle, I boycott shows that don’t employ actors.
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You know, it’s about getting out there and having a good time. Not about worrying .
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