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TV always wants more people to be watching.

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More People Television Want Watch

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I always tell people that if you really want to know somebody, they should listen to that person’s interview with me. I spend a lot of time with my guests.
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Always Guest Interview Know Listen People Person Really Somebody Tell Want
I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
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Country Fiction Fit Love Need Order Raise Science Standard Vegetarian
I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
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Pander So Try Want
TV always wants more people to be watching.
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More People Television Want Watch
It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon.
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Apparently Day Desk Drink Fluorescent Frown Generally Hard Last Lighting Upon
I take the most wrenchingly painful moments of my life, brush them off and present them for the amusement of others. Luckily for me, my childhood was torture.
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Amusement Brush Childhood Life Luckily Moment Other Painful Torture Wrenching
Real success and accomplishment, at whatever it is you are passionate about, requires real work.
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Accomplishment Passionate Require Running Sorry Success Wall Work
The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.
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Advice Again Anybody Best Get Given Over
So what I would say to other people is to just embrace who you are because you will become instantly happier.
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Embrace Happier Instant Other People Say
I like grown up comedy.
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Comedy Grown Like Up
Maybe the nails are a little stubby and gnawed on, but I definitely do not have man hands.
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Definitely Gnawed Hand Man Maybe Nail Stubby
Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
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Again Bucket Drool Fave Heard Rivulet Running Toddler Wall Watery
So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
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I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
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Different Good Grown Spoken Time Trying Up Want Way
I will say that stand-up is my first love; it’s how I got started and is in my bones.
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Bone First How Love Say Stand Started Up
When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn’t going to change who I was.
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I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.
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Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.
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I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.
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Always Geek Nerd Real Such
I actually wanted to be an attorney. I did do things on the side like improv and sketch comedy, but law was my focus. I was a very bookish, academic kid. When I got out of college,
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Academic Actually Attorney Bookish College Comedy Focus Improv Kid Law Sketch Thing Want
I wish I could say I’m an architect and planned it this way, foresaw doing all these things, but honestly, I’ve been lucky that things have come across my path and they’ve worked out well for me.
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But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.
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Marriage isn’t a carnival ride.
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Carnival Marriage Ride
Omnipresence can be a good or bad thing, I suppose. I don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I’m super-grateful.
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You just have to keep getting up’. And I look back and they were right. They were all right.
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When I was young I thought, ‘Yeah, people don’t see, they’re not recognizing how funny I am, and how talented I am’. And the guys that mentored me were like, ‘
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Funny Guy Look People Recognize Talented Thought
I’m black, and black don’t crack. It does droop.
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Black Crack Doe Droop

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