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Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don’t think so.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
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Friend Hope Kindest Little Own Probably Supportive
Real sacrifice. Real disappointment. Real failure. And it requires the ability to scrape your sorry ass up off the floor, stumble to your feet.
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Ability Ass Disappointment Feet Floor Real Sacrifice Scrape Sorry Stumble
I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I’d still have plenty of other things to do.
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Away Busy Job Other Plenty Possible Thing Want Went
If you haven’t noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome.
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Astronaut Awesome Celebrity Drinking Driver Fun Party People Racecar Suck Unless Working
A belief in feminism is a belief in personal freedom.
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Belief Career Feminism Freedom Personal Want
I love it when I come across a word I don’t know. And I would never treat my audience like they weren’t smart enough to come along with me.
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Across Audience Come Enough Know Smart Treat Word
On general principle, I boycott shows that don’t employ actors.
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Actor Boycott Employ General Principle Show
I’m my own boss and my boss is a total ass.
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Ass Boss My Own Total
I’m just myself, so I don’t know that I think of myself as a nerd icon.
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Icon Know Myself Nerd Thinking
I’m just going to be the best version of me that I could possibly be and be as funny as I possibly can.
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Being Best Find Funny Going People Possibly Version
Comedy is ugly. It’s honest, it’s raw.
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Comedy Honest Raw Ugly
I don’t know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things.
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I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.
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Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning
I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.
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College Comedian Growing Kid Loving People Up Wanted
I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
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Country Dehydrate Grade Green Most Seventh Smelling Spent Summer
Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.
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Blame Else God Human Immediate Look Much Parent Politician Resource Someone Toddler
When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn’t going to change who I was.
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Bother Change Comment Eventually Going Kind Point Realize Younger
I really do know football.
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Do Football Know Really
I grew up on the back of a motorcycle – my dad didn’t have a car until I was a teenager. And then my closest friend from grade school was a guy.
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Back Car Dad Grade Motorcycle School Teenager
I like the company of guys. I have a lot of good girlfriends that I really love, but you know, most of my close friends are men.
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Close Company Different Girlfriend Guy Love Men Most Way
I love Toronto. I love it. I love Toronto. I love Canada. I can’t wait to get back. Can’t wait to have some Timbits.
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Back Country Some Toronto Wait Waiting
My parents were vegetarians. I’d show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.
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Cloth Kids Parent School Stick Vegetarian
Whereas regular people tend to run away – because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.
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Always Away Funny Going People Regular Run Story
Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
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Experience Human Make Scar Tough Turn Wound
I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
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Country Fiction Fit Love Need Order Raise Science Standard Vegetarian
I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.
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Being Fiber Fighting Gym Hit Need Sad Sadly Softie
Every ethnic group has this where people within it will try and tell each other how they should be.
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Each Embrace Ethnic Group Other People Teach Tell Trying

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