My parents were vegetarians. I’d show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.
AISHA TYLERWounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
More Aisha Tyler Quotes
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I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
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I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I’d still have plenty of other things to do.
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I don’t know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things.
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I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.
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No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.
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Whereas regular people tend to run away – because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.
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I was really unhappy. I had a great job that I should have loved, yet I was miserable. I slowly realized that was because I wasn’t performing. So I just tried stand-up and fell in love with it after one performance.
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I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
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But I think what diversity brings to any daypart is more eyeballs, just more opportunity.
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Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.
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Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
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Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter.
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If you haven’t noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome.
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After going through a lot of procedures and spending a lot of money … the doctor said, ‘Look, based on what we’re seeing here, I just don’t think this is going to happen for you.’
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“Trust me, you don’t want to have to actually interact with these people.”
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When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn’t going to change who I was.
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I’m just going to be the best version of me that I could possibly be and be as funny as I possibly can.
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Marriage isn’t a carnival ride.
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But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.
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I like grown up comedy.
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Omnipresence can be a good or bad thing, I suppose. I don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I’m super-grateful.
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I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.
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Sometimes the mistake I see people make is thinking that they’re always going to be up, and I think that’s impossible for anyone.
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I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.
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A belief in feminism is a belief in personal freedom.
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So what I would say to other people is to just embrace who you are because you will become instantly happier.
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