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I like to be nice. I want to be a hero. I want to save people. Or just kill zombies, because they deserve it, because they’re already dead and they can’t feel it. They don’t have feelings.

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Deserve Hero Kill Nice People Save Zombie

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

You just have to keep getting up’. And I look back and they were right. They were all right.
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Back Getting Keep Look Right Up
I always wanted to be as busy as possible so that if one job went away I’d still have plenty of other things to do.
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Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
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So I think the longer you do stand-up, the more comfortable you are. You stop wanting to hide your foibles and instead want to show who you are.
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I’m my own boss and my boss is a total ass.
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Ass Boss My Own Total
Omnipresence can be a good or bad thing, I suppose. I don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I’m super-grateful.
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I thought I was gonna be an attorney, so I went to Dartmouth and I was a government major and I minored in environmental policy, and I didn’t do anything academically around the arts.
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Anything Art Attorney Environmental Government Major Minored Policy Thought
I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.
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Friend Hope Kindest Little Own Probably Supportive
I started out being a stand up and writing my own material. That took me to Talk Soup, where I was writing and performing for TV.
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One thing we do really well on Archer and one thing I’ve always tried to do in my comedy and my writing and my podcast is to never speak down to my audience.
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Karaoke is the great equalizer.
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Equalizer Inspirational Karaoke
I really do know football.
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Do Football Know Really
So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
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Doing Funny Life Live Minute Much Quick Radio Sou Spot Stand Stranger Surgical Three
I don’t believe in superheroes but I love Batman movies. There’s a part of every person that is entertained by the idealistic, the fantastic.
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I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.
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I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.
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Attract Before Douch Drunken Married Thinking
I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.
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Actually Attorney Comedy Living Something Wanted
So everything is all the same job in my eyes, and I don’t want to ever give up any part of it.
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Ever Everything Give Job Part Same Want
After going through a lot of procedures and spending a lot of money … the doctor said, ‘Look, based on what we’re seeing here, I just don’t think this is going to happen for you.’
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Based Doctors Going Happen Look Procedure Spending Thinking
I’m black, and black don’t crack. It does droop.
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Black Crack Doe Droop
But I love stand-up, and it’s where I came from creatively, so it’s something I never want to walk away from.
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Marriage isn’t a carnival ride.
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I love it when I come across a word I don’t know. And I would never treat my audience like they weren’t smart enough to come along with me.
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So what I would say to other people is to just embrace who you are because you will become instantly happier.
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I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.
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Always Geek Nerd Real Such
I think diversity in television is important. It’s not about trying to fill a quota or satisfy some idea of diversity.
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Diversity Fill Idea Important Opportunity Quita Satisfy Some Television Thinking Trying
I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
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Pander So Try Want

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