“Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE! Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you’re over here like this? Calvin:…I don’t think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.”

I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.

It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world’s problems?

MOMMMM, I’m thirsty… What’s this, just water?

You ever think about this? Every year you live, you pass the anniversary of your death. Now you don’t know what day it is, of course.

You know, a lot of people feel that sobriety is about just stopping using whatever it was that you appeared to be addicted to, but it really has to do with a way of looking at your life and taking accountability.

I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.

If your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.

I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.

You mix a bunch of ingredients, and once in a great while, chemistry happens.

Hobbes: Do you think there’s a God? Calvin: Well, somebody’s out to get me!

In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive.

I’m learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life…procrastinating and rationalizing.

The whole idea of hobknobbing and schmoozing and the concept of an “elite” class of celebrities better than the common people has always made my stomach turn.

Having an enviable career is one thing. Being a happy person is another

Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone. -Hobbes

If horse racing is the sport of kings, then drag racing must be the sport of queens.

A man sentenced to death obtained a reprieve by assuring the king he would teach his majesty’s horse to fly within the year – on the condition that if he didn’t succeed, he would be put to death at the end of the year. “Within a year,” the man explained later.

A gambit never becomes sheer routine as long as you fear you may lose the king and pawn ending!

Who built the seven gates of Thebes? In the books are listed the names of kings. Did the kings heave up the building blocks?

Of course, the kids who had never heard of a person called Ben E. King were then aware of the name associated with the song. That gave a tremendous lift to me as an artist.

I always seem to be cast as slightly wan, ethereal, troubled intellectuals or physically ambivalent bad lovers. But I’m here to tell you I’m quite the opposite in real life. In fact I’m a f**king fantastic lover.

It’s one of the characteristics of a leader that he not doubt for one moment the capacity of the people he’s leading to realize whatever he’s dreaming. Imagine if Martin Luther King had said, ‘I have a dream. Of course, I’m not sure they’ll be up to it.

A good king is a public servant.