“Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone. -Hobbes”

You know, there are times when it’s a source of personal pride to not be human.

County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that’s the problem.

You realize nothing is as clear as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing. Being a man of action, I cannot afford to take that risk. Hobbes: You’re ignorant, but at least you act on it.

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?

Buttons … check. Dials … check. Switches … check. Little colored lights … check.

For me, it’s been liberating to put myself in the mind of a fictitious six year-old each day, and rediscover my own curiosity.

Although I’m certainly glad cartoons are finally getting some respect as an art, I’m fairly ambivalent to see cartooning as a legitimate academic offering. If comics need to be deconstructed and explained, something is really wrong with them.

Every artist learns through imitation, but I rather doubt the aim of these things is artistic development.

You will do well to cultivate the resources in yourself that bring you happiness outside of success or failure.

Animals aren’t conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you’re sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness.

It’s a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it’s light out.

I tell you all this because it’s worth recognizing that there is no such thing as an overnight success.

Leader, bandits at 2 o’clock! Roger; it’s only 1:30 now-what’ll I do ’til then?

One of the jokes I really like is that the fantasies are drawn more realistically than reality, since that says a lot about what’s going on in Calvin’s head.

We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!!

To paraphrase something the anthropologist Ashley Montagu once said, the way I change my life is to act as if I’m the person I want to be. This is, to me, the simplest, wisest advice you can give anyone.

You have no idea what you’re really in for, but you do it anyway.

“I wouldn’t want that to get around, Annie.” “You don’t mean that, Carl.” “Ah, we might as well call them beanies, Annie.” “Why?” “When in Rome do as the Romans do.” “Do they call them beanies in Rome?” she asked artlessly. “This is the silliest conversation.

We’ll attack anyone who tries to harm our citizens.

If I don’t take care of myself and be kind to myself, then I can’t take care of anyone else.

To anyone who is homeless, I say, find a home.

I used to wake up and look at our analytics and think, “What if yesterday was the last day anyone used Pinterest?” Like, everyone collectively decided, “We’re done!” Over time I got more confidence.

A turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird… a social being… capable of actual affection… nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it’s dead and we’re gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family.