When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
ADAM CAROLLAYou have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
ADAM CAROLLA