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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.

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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLA

Crapping Experience Explore Life Yourself
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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Best Each Friend Man Men Other Sex Spouse Thinking Tolerate Wife
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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Christmas Country Dad Feel Instantly Kid Wrong
I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit God Know Law Other Same Way World
When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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Asian Colege Fudge Funny Growing Up Humor People Thirteen
The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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Art Beautiful Car
California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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Accomplishment Feel Good Should Yelled Yourself
I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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Anything Connection Each Emotional Mom Other Understanding
If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
ADAM CAROLLA

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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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Brush Front never Own Pick Stand
I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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Form Format Freedom Mess Podcasting
That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
ADAM CAROLLA

Forever Funny Humor Interesting Philosophical Question
I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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