I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
ADAM CAROLLA






