The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLA