If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
ADAM CAROLLA