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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.

Adam Carolla

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ball Basketball Game Inspirational Playground Ymca
I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bought Count Counting Lazy Normally Vote
No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Book Comedian Comedy Enjoy Fun Read Reader
It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Around Doing Ebook Kicked Man Poor Rich Something
I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anything Connection Each Emotional Mom Other Understanding
People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
ADAM CAROLLA

Excel Fail Failing Opportunity People
Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
ADAM CAROLLA

Butch Dyke Funny Humor Lesbian Lipstick Sweatpant Thinking
I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Differences Drunk Funny Guess Hard Work Humor Worked
I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
ADAM CAROLLA

Money Myself Plenty Want Working
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Each Friend Man Men Other Sex Spouse Thinking Tolerate Wife
It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
ADAM CAROLLA

Challenge Funnier Morning Reason Water
I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
ADAM CAROLLA

Calm Fine Natural Real Realist Sexist Simple
Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
ADAM CAROLLA

Christmas Country Dad Every Imagine Seeing Three Year
If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
ADAM CAROLLA

Museums Rembrandt Somebody Spend Walking
So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit Bringing Courage God Keep People Suppress
The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aisle Land Leave People Ten Thing View

They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.

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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.

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Popular Authors

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