People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
ADAM CAROLLAThey advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
ADAM CAROLLA






