You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
ADAM CAROLLAI know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
ADAM CAROLLA