. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
ADAM CAROLLAThere are certain things women are better at than men.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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I get depressed at airports.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
ADAM CAROLLA






