I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
ADAM CAROLLAAll’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
ADAM CAROLLA






