I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLAAsking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
ADAM CAROLLA