My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
ADAM CAROLLAAsking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
ADAM CAROLLA






