I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLAAsking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
ADAM CAROLLA






