If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
ADAM CAROLLAOprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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